After the Dust Settles

The sun rises on another beautiful day and you are thankful for everything that you have. What surrounds you is an atmosphere that allows you to see what is truly in front of you, not only that but what is truly important. Everyone tell you what is best. Everyone has advice to give. Be grateful that there is a collection of hopes and prayers for you. Tragedy and disaster can strike anywhere and everywhere and to be bothered by little things will put into perspective how little those things are. Open your eyes. Look around. What is it exactly that you see? Good? Bad? Dark? Illuminated? Take off the rose colored glasses and look at the world as it presents itself. The third rock from the sun is the place where you call home; would you invite another to live here? If not now what about in ten years? Ok. In ten years the world will be a better place to live and you would be estatic to open the ozone for new life. You are now personally responsible for the advancement of the quality of life, this is your duty as human. The success of your endeavor will need to include all resources available to you, you are not alone. Reach out your hand and you will be surprised that there re others reaching out for assistance with their own mission. You will come to realize that the path they are on was the direction in which you were headed. Do not be afraid to test the water. Do not be afraid of change. The answer is not in front of you. It will not be revealed in the near future. You must search for it. Bust down the doors. Tear down the walls. Shatter the windows. The barriers that you think are holding you back will continue to hold you back. But...

It's not fair

Sometimes what you deserve is not what you get, nor is it what you want. It happened to you but no one can tell, you could tell your story but would you be gloating? Keeping it inside is inciting anger, no not anger, anguish maybe. So many other people have the same story but can't tell it because it is not the same story. There is one slight difference. This slight difference affects so many that you realize that your story could have had that very difference. It started exactly how you expected it to and athe same time you knew it should not have lasted as long. When you awoke the next morning there was not enough time to think about what had transpired. Life goes on, but is it a different life now? At least that is what you are trying to determine. Has anything changed? Does time heal? What if time is only a percieved phenomenon? The healing process will go on as long as you dwell on waiting. Cope or forget. Are these two related? The same? Which would be easier? You try to understand that you are solely responsible and the consequences are not as devestating as they should be. That is a ridiculous thought. Wishing for a more devestating sequence of events. Guilt. For all those who experienced that result you think you should have gotten. What you have to do is convince yourself of the reason it did not happen the same way. But you knew that. Knowing does not mean anything though, because your brain has the ability to repress, suppress and bring forth things that should not. All you can think about is what you have been told happens, yet it did not. Not this time.

Change. Is it possible?

How are you going to "make that change" if the "man in the mirror" won't look at you? What have you said to/about him that would make him want to ignore you. Is he ignoring you or talking to someone else about you, or has he found someone more interesting to talk to? Communication between the two of you sounds crazy right? The decisions that you will make will affect the both of you so both of you should be making them. Whenever a one-sided decision is made the outcome isn't forseen thus it may not have been the right one. But again the two of you won't know whether or not because it was one-sided. Each of you figured the other would deal with it whatever the result. This causes conflict and both of you feel it but are too busy trying to mask it by making more bad decisions. Don't walk away until he at least acknowledges you're trying to get his attention.

Keep On

You look out the car window at the yellow lines as they become one solid line. You up at the sky and with the realization that the sky does not in fact move you are able to see the clouds as they are naturally formed. The blue sky in the backdrop allows you to feel a requiescence that cannot be described, and you are reluctant to look away in that this feeling will escape you forever. Like so many others you've lost or let go of, this you can't, no, refuse to relinquish. There was no work put into this phenomenon, it just passed over you and put at ease without any effort. It is time now for reality to take over as a physical feeling now catches your attention. The car has stopped and you have reached your geographical destitation. You knew all along that this could have only lasted so long, yet you realize that the sky does not in fact move. Tomorrow those same clouds will grace a blue backdrop and once again that serene feeling will return.

Will they remember?

The day has come and gone. How do you know, because the sun set? Bu you awake realizing that nothing has changed. The "previous" day was supposed to be "the day." You've envisioned that moment when everything came together and your hard work paid off. The hard work has taken its toll however, and that is how you know. You look at your blistered fingers and calloused knuckles, and see now that time has indeed passed. You recall the days as they sat eager in your palm, ready to bring you all their joys, but sadly you could not capture them. Sacrificing so that others could realize it was their day to seize, you've let some of yourself slip away. Everyone around has moved on; everyone around you has built their future; everyone but you.

Who's to know?

What happens when you have something to say, but saying it would change everything? Would you be ready? Why not? You are afraid. You are afraid of how things will end and of what will begin. A new beginning was what you were looking for, but now that initiation of that start is up to you, you pause. You hesitate. You aren't sure of what happens next. You've pondered it for years. You planned it out, but not on paper, which was your first mistake. Now that you're where you thought you wanted to be, what now?

Hmmm...

What to do now that everything has settled down? Is that truly the case or have you become numb to inevitability that nothing will ever be the same? Would you want things to go back? If so, does that mean you have regret? Regret is not a time machine, however. Today is here and tomorrow is coming, make sure that the present and future moments you look forward to and not moments you look forward to looking back on. In the rear view mirror there are things that could have been different, but never will be. You already know what happened; now it's time to make sure that what happens next unfolds in front of you and provides a path leading you away from the events that have already occurred. This should not however be an effort to forget the past but to put it behind you, and to put into perspective that there is a lot more to be done and that there is time to do it. Stop waiting for it to come to you and go after it. Happiness, success, joy. All of the things that you were told about as a child are still within reach. Have you reached out far enough? Are you still reaching? Have you reached out long enough to grab something of significance? Questions that need answers. Not knowing these answers is OK for now, and ironically will only reveal themselves once you've attained your goal. What goal have you set though? That you should know at this moment.